If you’ve been online enough, you’re probably familiar with the phrase “8 inches and thick”.

If you have no idea who I’m talking about, you’re probably interested anyway. But now you’re wondering, “Is this person a multi-millionaire? Are they loyal? Respectful? Loving?” Good news, diva, he’s all of those things!

If you’re unable to watch the video rn, here’s what happens. A content creator takes a bodybuilder down to a beach in South Padre Island, Texas during Spring Break. They approach two young women, and the following exchange ensues:

Host: Y’all like bodybuilders?

Women 1:Bodybuilders?

Woman 2: I like skinny scrawny guys.

Bodybuilder: How about multi-millionaires? How about 8 inches and thick? How about talented? How about loving and respectful? I lost my wife ago 10 weeks ago. 21 years faithful. My daughter committed suicide 3 weeks ago. 13. She was faster than me at 12. And I run a 6-minute mile. My testimony, I’m nothing but pure and I asked you if you want to be in a YouTube channel. And you like scrawny guys.

Woman 1: I didn’t know he’d trauma dump on us like that, damn.

So, obviously, what the bodybuilder said was completely unhinged. And the most important question: why are you at the beach trying to pick up young women when your daughter allegedly died 3 weeks ago?

The thing is, though, his daughter did not kill herself. She cut him off. And the way the guy “lost” his wife - she left him.

So who is this guy?

The guy in the video is Jarrett “Jay” Amador of Houston, Texas.

What do we know about him? That he’s probably not a multi-millionaire nor respectful. He claims to have recently served a 21-week stint in prison, not sure for what. He worked security, I guess, and received a summary suspension from the State of Texas (“Whatever that means” - Nene Leaks) from the profession. He was sued by Synchrony Bank in 2024 for unpaid debts totaling $11,933.03 and by Wells Fargo for $100,000 in monetary relief. And American Express. He also evaded service on a foreclosure in 2023.

In an interview addressing the beach incident, Jarrett said he was on an illicit substance that day, thus causing his behavior. That could have flown if he had behaved differently and shown remorse, but he has not. In fact, he does not seem to have any shame about the interview. He sexually harassed two young women and then lied about his daughter killing herself. Yet he has since made “8-inches and thick” his brand; his Instagram username is @actually8inches.

I don’t know why his wife left him, but I’m on her side because this guy is a walking red-flag pile.

One, I’m immediately suspicious of any man who drove away his wife and child. I have seen women go to great and stupid lengths to keep their family together with a toxic man, so she really had to be done to let him go. Because, like he said, 21 years. And if he acts like that in public, then how the heck is he behaving behind closed doors?

Two, why TF would you say your teenage daughter killed herself???

Three, he shared that he does not have a relationship with his 13-year-old daughter. A man who is disowned by his children is a bottom-tier LOOOOOSER. Dads have an incredibly low bar to clear to be considered excellent fathers, and this POS still couldn’t clear it. Too many men have no qualms about letting it be known that their kids don’t FW them, like that is at all normal. But anyone with sense knows that that’s probably one of the most reliable signs that you are dealing with an absolute loser of a man.

Oh, btw, here is the aftermath of the original interview with Mr. Jarrett Amador, which is also super cringy. And if you want to see if he is actually 8 inches and thick, according to someone on this online forum, he will send you a dick pic for $1,000. Although we have this image below that was supplied, so if you’re on a budget…

I don’t really care for this loser, but I want to know who the two women were. They handled it well, and I feel so bad that they had to deal with such a weirdo when they were just trying to have fun.

I can’t lie, I love Boy Moms™. I think the psychology and sociology behind why they’re like that is fascinating.

Anyway, here’s one of the flock: Anna Saccone. She is a stay-at-home mom of four from Baltimore, but she may live in the UK now, I don't know. And I could deep deeper I suppose but I’m not a journalist, I’m high, and I kinda just don’t give a shit. And you’re probably the same.

Anyway.

Anna made a TikTok a couple of years back that is sort of a classic in the Boy Mom scene. I will provide the transcript and the video below:

I never thought that I would be that toxic boy mom. I love my four kids equally, but that last little boy just hits different. And now I feel like I’m having this existential crisis. Or I wouldn’t be that mom, that toxic boy mom. He hits his sisters, he punches them. I’m like, maybe he’s having a hard day. So when I think about my daughters getting married, I get excited, right? Think about their dresses, planning their weddings. When I think about my son’s wedding, I want to cry. Boy moms, we’ve got to step up. We’ve got to realize that we are the problem.

@annasacconeI swore I’d never become that mum…and yet here we are 🥴🙈 #boymom #momof4 #toxicmom #annasaccone #sacconejolys #4kidsmama #momsoftiktok

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Let’s break this down.

“I love my four kids equally, but that last little boy just hits different.” Bitch, no way you watched that back after recording and deadass thought “Yup, nothing contradicts anything here”.

“He hits his sisters, he punches them. I’m like, maybe he’s having a hard day.” Are you trying to raise a future domestic abuser, wtf??!! Also, again, cannot believe she did not watch the video back and think “Damn, that sounds messed up, maybe I should delete this and reflect on myself”.

“When I think about my son’s wedding, I want to cry.” This sentence immediately painted this woman very clearly to me. I’ll bet she has cripplingly low self-esteem, does not have a satisfying marriage, and is now looking to her son to give her the male attention that she needs to feel validated. And the idea of eventually losing that to another woman is what is making her cry.

And indeed, in looking through her profile, Anna shares videos chronicling eating disorders that she battled when she was younger. I am very sympathetic to people with low self-esteem. We’ve all been there at one point to some degree. But when the degree is extreme and is now causing your daughters to be assaulted in their home, it’s time to wake TF up and intervene with yourself and your parenting.

This is why you all have to go to therapy, journal, smoke some weed, and reflect inward. If you don’t, the behaviors that will grow out of whatever your thing is will be deeply hurtful to you and those around you.

This woman hasn’t dealt with her self-esteem issues. Now she’s emaciated - not skinny, and it’s important we distinguish for the sake of public health. On top of that, her daughters are being physically abused in their home by their brother. Plus, the several mommy issues her son is going to have and the effects it will have on the women he goes on to date. I think it is critically important to point out to people when a content creator is dealing with some kind of mental health issue. Too many people get brainrot from looking at these people, aspiring to be someone who is mentally ill. Look, she doesn’t have a public diagnosis that I’m aware of, and I’m not a therapist. But anyone who craves attention the way family vloggers do - and as Anna does - is not okay IMO. Prayers for her mental well-being; she needs to log off and talk to someone.

Also, in Googling her, she and her husband, Jonathan Joly, are apparently infamous for their questionable upbringing of their children. It seems like they have a toxic family vlogger situation going on. I also feel validated to find that I’m not the only one who gets CREEP vibes from Jonathan.

Also, I’m not saying that he had a hair transplant, but I am saying that it looks like he had a hair transplant in the photo below:

If this post reads harshly, that’s because I think it’s okay to be a little mean to anyone who prioritizes attention and money over their children’s privacy and well-being. The best way to correct bad behavior is to create an unwanted reaction. This Anna lady is probably going to end up with a fractured parent-child relationship. And I also just don’t trust the parenting of anyone who prioritizes social media over their children. And sure enough, we have this woman, ON CAMERA, admitting that she’s dismissive of her son’s violence against his sisters. That is crazy.

Anyway.

Live, laugh, love, go to therapy,

-J

Lately, I’m having a lot of moments where I’m like “oh, this is what that is”, emotionally.

Like the fear of being perceived. I knew the phrase, but I sort of thought it was just a general fear of being judged. But, no, it’s more than that. It can also be a fear of putting yourself out there. I stumbled upon a TikTok where the creator talked about people being scared to post videos of themselves, and the accompanying comment section identified it as “fear of being perceived”. I then looked up further, and I was like, “Oh, hey, I have that”.

Sidenote: I have combed TT to find that video, but alas, cannot.

I’ve always loved creating things and taking pictures of things. And I love social media. I don’t know how other people perceive it, but to me, it’s like a hangout with 900 friends and me. I keep a private Instagram and only let people I know follow me. It’s crazy to think that I know almost 1,000 people. I also have 135-ish more in my requests. A lot of them are people I kind of knew, but for some reason, I just don’t want them looking at my life. Is that weird? Not that I have a super high bar of entry to my IG. One conversation with me was enough to grant you entry. Two conversations = close friends circle. But, still, I just don’t like the idea of so many eyes on my life. I don’t know why.

The thing is, though, when I am perceived, I am perceived super positively. So, my other “oh, that’s what that is” moment is that I have impostor syndrome. I thought that was just for when people felt like they maybe hadn’t earned the right to be in the job/school/space they were in, etc. I’ve never thought I didn’t belong because I know I work hard for what I have. But I cannot internalize compliments well. Apparently, that’s also a part of impostor syndrome.

For example, I get told I’m super smart and hilarious all the time. I think I’m funny-ish, and I know I’m smart in the sense that I can name every country (or most of them, I get the Guineas confused) and have common sense. But why shouldn’t I think I’m super smart? I have a gotdamn law degree. I was always a top player on trivia teams, often carrying the whole team (RIP Subpoena Coladas). And every essay I wrote in law school - and I wrote a lot - would always get like 85+ (that’s fantastic for law school - we averaged to a 75%). I even had the highest mark for the 1L Constitution essay exam.

But I think I discount my smartness because I’m not good at math or science. So, even though I do a great job of explaining complex legal and social topics in essays, I still don’t consider myself super smart. I also want to add that I’m also super smart at strategy, problem-solving, and interpersonal skills; I won my law school’s mediation competition every year. Negotiation and persuasion are some of the most difficult human skills to master. People pay thousands to attend seminars to learn how to do it, and I’ve largely come by it naturally (though I’d definitely give Getting to Yes and How to Win Friends and Influence People credit). And I am objectively great at it - the awards are sitting on the shelf behind me. So why wouldn’t I believe I’m smart?! Like, I believe, but I don’t really believe.

I’m a pretty regular cannabis user (I grew up Catholic, so that is not something I ever thought I would say lmaooo), but it has really allowed me to open my eyes to my behaviours, feelings, and actions in a genuinely real and meaningful way. Stoners are not a respected people, but they (well, we now, I guess) were right about how weed helps you discover yourself. I feel like a lot of stuff has been coming to the surface, and I’m much more in tune with what drives me and my behaviour.

I never want to be the person who has glaring flaws that I don’t work on. My mother is that way, and let me tell you, it’s fucking exhausting. It’s also a great motivator to start unpacking trauma and working towards genuine inner peace because I never want to be her. And the best way to make sure that happens is by taking all the same advice that I would give her: reflect on your actions, go to therapy, be absolutely honest with yourself about your shortcomings, accept you have shortcomings, and then actually commit to working on them, acknowledge and apologize when you’re wrong, etc.

I feel like Pink has always been held up as a hero to women, and I never really agreed with that. Back in 2006, I remember watching the music video for “Stupid Girls” as a 13-year-old and thinking, “This is kind of mean.”

Recently, while on Facebook, I noticed a Buzzfeed article titled “Pink Built Her Entire Career On Tearing Down Other Women” and thought, “Yes, finally someone who agrees with me”. The article got more into instances where Pink made unkind remarks and took some really low blows. I’m talking about as low as making fun of Britney Spears’ mental health issues, and publicly calling her a “puppet on a string” - a week after sending her flowers, mind you. #TwoFaced

But I actually just want to focus on “Stupid Girls” because I’ve had all this on my chest since I was 13.

First and foremost, give it a watch if you haven’t seen the music video already:

But, anyway, here are my thoughts on the music video and the lyrics:

1. The title of the song. First and foremost, the “stupid girl(s)’ the song is about and portrayed as in the video is any woman who is tan, pretty, has friends, has a small dog, wears a small t-shirt, has sex, and/or a host of other traits. Basically, the archetype of the early 2000s Hot Girl: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, etc. This always made me mad because WTF does what you wear or the size of your dog have to do with intellect?? But I guess if you don’t possess it, you wouldn’t have the capacity to recognize who has it.

2. The bowling alley scene. If you didn’t see the video, here’s the scene: some woman is bowling, unaware and uninterested in Pink and her boyfriend. But her breasts are visible, so I guess that makes her the villain. And even though the boyfriend is openly staring at this woman’s breasts, Pink does not get mad at him. Instead, she’s mad at the woman and then pulls a secret tag to enlarge her own breasts to redirect the boyfriend’s focus back onto her. Like…what? Why are you dating a guy who is so predictably and openly a pervert that you leave the house with a Plan B in place, just in case a woman with bigger breasts walks by?? Also, why does he not seem fazed by your boobs just suddenly being massive??

3. “What happened to the dream of the girl president? She’s dancing in the video next to 50 Cent”. Is she the one and only woman we can run for president? Why is she disqualified for dancing in a music video? I’ll be sensitive to the era this video was released in, and it’s understood as a low bar for US presidents at the time, so I won’t mention that the current US president is a child molester. But, even in 2006, the most recent presidents were George W. Bush (committed war crimes) and Bill Clinton (cheated on his wife in office with a 22-year-old intern). But a woman being the president is unlikely because she dances next to 50 Cent? Y’all, I’m tired.

4. This is THEE “I’m Not Like Other Girls” Anthem. Affirmed by the fact that all the positive portrayals of women are when Pink is doing something typically associated with a man: running for president, playing football. And then re-affirmed by the little girl picking up a football in the end, instead of a doll, and getting a thumbs up from the “good” angel on her shoulder.

5. Taking her top off on the treadmill because a gym worker talked to another girl. Like, I guess she’s trying to say that the guy is only talking to the girl because she’s pretty. But, like, the guy came over with fucking paperwork. This is clearly a procedural matter of some kind, and you’re angrily whipping your top off in a fit to try to “compete” with this woman. Like… that’s actually unhinged.

6. Mocking Paris Hilton about her sex tape. Love Paris Hilton or not, but having a private and intimate video of you, released without your consent fucking sucks. That would be an incredibly low moment in anyone’s life, and now here goes Pink mocking you and calling you a “stupid girl”.

The narrative that a woman is less than for being feminine is not feminism, yet that is exactly the narrative being pushed here. This was not a new narrative at the time, of course, but it was still gross to see it from a woman. A woman should not have to conform to bigger things and/or male-dominated things to be worthy of respect. She is worthy of respect just for existing, and that entitlement to respect is not diminished because of how her hair looks or because she likes Chihuahuas.

The woman most worthy of respect actually was the woman in the music video who casually runs pedestrians over, then immediately fixes her lip gloss. The streets are too congested, and I appreciate anyone who’s shortening my commute. Especially if they look good doing it.

TW: eating disorders

Celebrities are getting way too fucking skinny, and I am tired of them getting defensive about it.

“Don’t talk about women’s bodies” is meant for healthy people and private figures. Public figures who are exhibiting mental disorders = not the same fucking thing.

There needs to be a very clear social distinction that yes, there are authentically skinny people and that skinny presents in different ways. But there are also people who have EATING DISORDERS. They are not skinny, they are emaciated. That is a critically important distinction, and this distinction needs to be noted in the public discourse surrounding celebrities and bodies.

Skinny people are not oppressed. But the one little argument we actually could stand on is that some people are naturally quite skinny yet face accusations of having an eating disorder when they’re actually healthy. That idea got traction in the feminist discourse of body positivity and, as a result, it became taboo to talk about anyone’s skinniness, regardless of how they got there. The “mind your business” attitude that was meant to protect women of all sizes from having to justify their natural bodies got co-opted by people to shield themselves from valid criticism.

“Skinny by nature” and “skinny by force of eating disorder” are two completely different ball games. Skinny by nature should be left alone. Skinny by eating disorder needs to be addressed - not just as a risk to the person but also as a risk to the public. Let’s not forget that people die from anorexia, like Karen Carpenter. It is genuinely serious that emaciated thin is back, and it needs a social intervention.

Every celebrity is on Ozempic or a counterpart by a different name. Some have managed to get to a healthy place and stay there, others are taking it too damn far. We are seeing celebrities get to sickenly thin places, but this taboo on “commenting on women’s bodies” seems to keep shushing people on the topic. People of all sizes are speaking up about the alarming trend of celebrity thiness: Kelly Osbourn, Ariana Grande, Meghan Trainor, etc. And they keep getting shut down by people, and the celebrities themselves, saying, “don’t comment on women’s bodies”. As a feminist, I say that it is entirely okay to call out something that gets dangerous. The effects of malnourishment are severe and severely compromise physical and cognitive function. And again: people can die from it. It’s dangerous for the celebrity, and it’s dangerous to the public for emaciation to be normalized.

Like it or not, but celebrities drive culture. Whatever is popular among them becomes popular across the Western world and media. If being emaciated becomes the norm, it’s going to cause a ripple effect where everyday people resort to unhealthy habits to make themselves thin. It also contributes to a dangerous threshold of a beauty standard, and many people already struggle with self-esteem as it is. We’ve been here already with the toxic beauty standards of the early 2000s, and we saw the prominence of eating disorders rise with it.

Kelly Osbourn appeared in public looking emaciated. People spoke up to express concern, and they were promptly attacked by her. But Kelly, sweetie, the way you look is unacceptable. While losing your father is hard, it does not absolve the plain fact that you are unhealthy.

Ariana Grande is another one. She is way too thin, and as one of the most followed people on Instagram and a constant fixture in celebrity news, it sends a disturbing message that being emaciated is okay. That is not her natural, healthy body; she’s been in the public eye for a long time, so we know what she’s supposed to look like.

Meghan Trainor is another one. She has lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Obviously, more aggravating in her case, given that her rise to fame was based on a song about body positivity and accepting herself as a “bigger” girl. She’s also a figure that’s very prevalent on TikTok, meaning she has a lot of eyes on her. Further damage is that she tells people her weight loss is from fitness. Please. Skinny from fitness looks very different from skinny by Ozempic.

Something else that I think nicely emphasizes my point is the photo I used for this post. I didn’t even have to post their bodies; just from their faces and collar bones, you can tell they are too thin. That’s how emaciated they are. But we’re assholes for saying something?

A society that stands to suffer harm from someone has a right to speak up. Constantly projecting an unhealthy image and promoting unrealistic body standards is dangerous. And the fact that people are weaponizing feminism to promote a sick and harmful standard of body image is fucked up. We have seen this before with the rise of EDs in the early 2000s, so we cannot plead ignorance here. We have to learn from history and call this shit out now.

If too much of one thing happens in a short amount of time, I get suspicious. In just a matter of weeks, this past spring, we suddenly had four black celebrities come out as Trump supporters. Nobody on this list is known for being political, yet suddenly they’re all on podcasts, coming out as Trump supporters. Doesn’t that seem suspicious?

Nicki Minaj for Israel and Trump

Nicki publicly expressed support for Trump, which surprised people, but not me. She is married to a registered sex offender. Before she was famous, she could never hold down a job because she was so mean. Obviously, she is not phased by being awful herself or being among awful people. Also, as a woman born in Trinidad and raised in the United States, what is her rationale for her staunch support for Israel? 🤨

Chilli for Trump

Chilli, one of the singers from TLC, was revealed to have made multiple donations to Donald Trump’s 2024 presidential campaign. The singer, whose real name is Rozonda Thomas, made around $1,000 in donations to several Trump and right-wing causes. She made a donation of $210.60 to WinRed, the payment processor for Republican campaign donations; $340.60 to the Trump National Committee JFC; and $486.54 to Never Surrender Inc., a political fund-raising group with links to Trump.

Chilli has since responded in a video she posted to Instagram in which she claims she “made a mistake” and isn’t MAGA. You know how you accidentally make several donations totalling a thousand dollars - we’ve all been there.

Nick Cannon for Trump

Not that the public would expect much from Nick “No Good” Cannon, who has fathered 12 children by 6 different women. But anyway, he went on a podcast with Amber Rose where he said “I fuck with Trump” and then called the Democratic party the party of the KKK. The latter has been such an exhausted right-wing talking point that, in the USA Today article talking about Nick Cannon’s comments, the author took the time to go through the history of the Republican and Democratic parties lmao.

I also want to add that when I told my sister what Nick said, her immediate comment was, “I know Mariah’s embarrassed.”

Tristan Thompson for Trump

This man doesn’t need much of an introduction; we remember him for cheating on Khloe Kardashian when she was pregnant with his baby. I think he plays basketball too.

Anyway, he appeared on The Katie Miller Podcast, a podcast for “Republican women” to express his support for Trump. Katie is married to Stephen Miller, the White House deputy chief of staff for policy. Her podcast has a rating of 2.6/5, and one reviewer says, “Truly brain rot. It’s so scripted and non personal. She talks about topics the right loves to twist. Has on millionaires and billionaires every guest.”

Over the course of the interview, Tristan admitted to having a close friend in the Trump family (reportedly, Eric Trump), and praised the leadership of child sex trafficker, Donald Trump, saying, “I love what he’s done so far for our country”.

“Our” country? You’re from Brampton, Canada.

Also, Tristan has shown zero interest in politics, ever. During the interview, he just comes across like he’s coached and trying to remember to hit certain bullet points.

Given that we’re due for another presidential election in the next two years, I think we’re going to see some shifts that signal what’s going on behind closed doors in the Republican and Democratic parties. The former has an image issue among Black voters; that’s no secret. Instead of having their politicians refrain from saying racist things or enacting racist policies, I’d bet they’re going around to any “noteworthy” Black celebrity that’s probably in need of a cheque. Nicki Minaj hasn’t been on tour in years; Nick Cannon has child support payments to make and no job I can recall; Chilli hasn’t had a hit since “No Scrubs”; and Tristan is in a similar boat to Nick with child support.

A deal to make some money and meet the president goes far, I’ll bet.

People on the Internet love diagnosing people with autism.

I’m not talking about an autism professional who has taken their interest in public health online. I mean unqualified people with no education and/or training in autism diagnosis. Their understanding of autism is some romanticized idea of intellectualism, like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. If they see you being organized, having a hobby, or knowing a lot about a topic, they swoop in to inform you that they see you have “a touch of the ‘tism”.

I see this alllllll the time in comment sections on TikTok and Instagram. But just because it’s common does not make it less okay. You’re allowed to suspect you or someone else might have something. But without an actual diagnosis from a qualified professional, maybe don’t build your identity around it. And if you think someone else has it but you don’t know them, don’t tell them unprompted.

My autistic friend put it this way: “Imagine someone else being autistic as if they were Black. If they are Black and you say ‘hey, you’re Black’, that is weird. They know, you don’t need to say it. If you say ‘You’re Black’, and they’re not, then that is also weird. So just don’t mention that they’re Black. And don’t mention if you think they’re autistic. If they are, who cares? If they’re not, you look like an asshole and an idiot.”

I can’t believe I have to even say this, but if you diagnose people on the Internet with autism: stop. One, you are almost definitely not qualified to identify autism. Two, the person has not solicited your medical opinion. Three, this is a TikTok, and not an appointment where the necessary conditions to gauge autism are in effect.

It’s also rude. Imagine just assigning someone a diagnosis every time something falls within the perimeter of your understanding of medical symptoms.

“I can’t read that sign.” Oh, you must be dyslexic.

“I’m feeling a bit tired today.” You have clinical depression.

“I took my ponytail down, and a bunch of hair fell out.” Definitely alopecia.

Do you see how weird that is? Do you see how disjointed that is? Do you register how inappropriate that is? Not everything is a sign of something, and you definitely aren’t going to be able to properly gauge a neurodevelopmental condition from a person you don’t know.

The diagnosis of strangers is abundant, but there is also a ton of self-diagnosed autism, too. I have seen “autistic (self-diagnosed)” in social media bios!! Someone I have been internet friends with for a long time has a public persona as being autistic, but admitted on her secret Twitter page that she has not actually been formally diagnosed. But she was “pretty sure”. She lives in a country with universal healthcare - it’s no cost to her to find out for sure.

That is crazy. What other medical condition can you just adopt simply to make yourself seem more interesting??

My own philosophy is that everyone wants an E! True Hollywood story. If you grew up struggling, you’ve already done your suffering and want no part of further. But people who grew up happy and comfortable are always looking to sneak a ride on the struggle bus. They want a riveting story of struggle, but don’t actually have one, so they invent one.

We see it all the time - Christians, white people, and men, claiming that they’re persecuted, are famous examples. We all have a rich friend who denies being rich because the Mercedes they park at their $3 million home is five years old. A friend who identifies as clinically depressed because they were sad after a breakup. And now autism has been added to the wheelhouse of “borrowable identities.”

It’s also offensive to people with actual autism and the people who love them to be so flippant about it.

Autism is not inherently this whimsical thing. People can have hobbies and interests simply because it’s normal. Falsely equating normal human behaviour with a medical diagnosis undermines the hardships that people with real autism face.

Also, what is going on in your own life that you see people knowing stuff or engaging in hobbies, and your automatic response is, “This must be something that has a medical diagnosis”? If that’s you, I’m here to let you know that people aren’t unique for having hobbies, interests, and/or extensive knowledge on a topic. You’re the odd and weird one for not having one.

Vine needs no introduction. Let’s get into it.

Back when Vine was huge, I, like every other millennial, was chronically on the app. Gen Zs and Alphas, you missed out. What a time. I was on the app early, so I’ve seen all kinds of things unfold.

In 2014, there were two creators who worked together quite a bit and, as I remember it, were openly dating (receipts further down). Their names are Robby Ayala and Jessisa Hansen. Jessica was also friends with another creator, Sara Hopkins, and the two of them seemed to hang out quite a bit, if I recall correctly. And I believe I do.

You see where this is going based on the headline.

Robby and Jessica were dating, Jessica and Sara were friends, Jessica suddenly stopped making content, and then Robby and Sara were suddenly together. And if you’ve followed them since Vine, you will know that Robby and Sara eventually got married, had children, and remain together to this day.

Jessica is a bigger woman than I am because, to her credit, she never addressed this publicly. Stronger than any Marine because I would have written a book about it. I bring you into the Vine fold, help you grow your following, and you thank me by stealing my fucking boyfriend*??? I would have been on Oprah, Ellen, Larry, Leno, everybody.

I don’t believe any party involved in this love triangle ever addressed it publicly. But I have stated the events as I remember them. And to be sure I remembered it correctly, I went digging. Google was useless. Thank God everything on Twitter is relentlessly archived because other people were commenting that they remember things the way I do:

Also, there’s some documented overlap (receipts below). An old Twitter page that auto-shared new Vines shows that Robby and Jessica were still together and making content together uptil late July of 2015. According to Sara’s own wedding invitation, which she shared on Instagram, she and Robby went on their first date on June 23, 2015. Overlap!

And worse still, that math means that Robby was dating the two for more than a month after his first date with Sara. He also said in a video that he “knew” Sara was the one in their “second week of dating”, yet continued to date both women for one whole month and a week. That’s three paycheques.

Also, if I can just address two things about this wedding “fun fact” sheet or whatever tf this is called:

And I know what someone might think: “But if they’ve been together all this time, about 12 years, maybe they really are meant to be together, and this is just unfortunate circumstances in how they met?”

No. Now, let’s lay out how I came to my conclusion:

1. I don’t believe that stabbing a friend in the back is ever the path to finding your person. The universe just isn’t fucked up like that.

2. Sara is Male Centred™. “OMG, I have a boyfriend/fiance/husband!!!” has been her brand for as long as I can remember. Every so often, I will go on a late-night Instagram dive and look through profiles of a bunch of old Vine creators. I don’t ever care enough to follow, but I like seeing where life took them. I always remembered Sara for apparently stealing her friend’s man, so she was on my roster. This woman is obsessed with having a man. Not vice versa for Robby, btw. Also, there is no doubt in my mind that she gets off on thinking to herself that her husband “picked her” over another woman.

3. I also believe that a part of her probably feels pressure to make the marriage work, or at least appear it’s working, because it started from a very frowned-upon way. I bet a part of her thinks staying married to him convinces us - and maybe herself - that what she did is okay because “oh hey we’re soulmates”. But no, Sara. You will always be The Other Woman™.

And where most prominent Viners have largely moved on, Sara has not. She mentions Vine in her bio, and her most viewed Vine is pinned to her Instagram profile. And she makes top ten videos of her own Vines. Like, girl, it’s been 12 years. I’ve had my work featured on Barack Obama’s Tumblr, and I dang near almost forgot about that, and I certainly don’t hang my hat on it. Oh, and I have a single TikTok with 45 million views. Original content. You think I’ll be making that my whole identity? Hell no.

So many creators jump into pursuing content creator careers, but rarely have what it takes to sustain long-term interest. Most of Sara’s posts averaged fewer than 600 likes until a few months ago. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that that kind of engagement level doesn’t comfortably pay the bills by itself.

Also, considering all this, this video of Sara and Robby talking about when they first met did not age well:

*allegedly

Can rich people be sympathetic characters? If at all, Barbara Hutton belongs on the very short list.

Barbara Woolworth Hutton was the granddaughter of Frank Winfield Woolworth, the founder of the once-great department store and retail giant, Woolworth’s. Maybe you’re not familiar with the store, but do you remember the famous Greensboro Sit-In Protest photo? That took place at a Woolworth’s.

Barbara’s mother was the daughter of Woolworth’s founder, and her father was the co-founder of E.F. Hutton and Company, a well-respected New York investment banking and stock brokerage firm. She was also the niece by marriage of Marjorie Merriweather Post, as in Post Cereal. Needless to say, Barbara did not know what EBT is.

Troubled Early Years

Barbara’s mother died when she was still a child, just five years old. The official cause was listed as suffocation due to mastoiditis, an infection that extends to the air cells of the skull behind the ear. However, there were long-standing rumours that her mother had actually taken her own life, driven to despair by Barbara’s father’s philandering. Adding another layer to the story: Barbara’s mother had herself been having an affair with Bud Bouvier, the paternal uncle of Jacqueline Kennedy. According to biographer C. David Heymann, the family paid off city officials to avoid a formal investigation into the death. And despite press reports at the time that claimed the body was discovered by a maid, it was in fact Barbara who found her mother.

Following her mother’s death, Barbara was sent to live with her maternal grandparents in their 60-room Long Island mansion in Glen Cove. Sadly, at this point, her grandmother suffered from severe dementia and spent her days rocking silently in a wicker chair under medical supervision. Her grandfather, Frank Woolworth himself, was very affectionate, calling Barbara “princess” and doting on her. Unfortunately, he was also in declining health and died in 1919. During this time, Barbara was described as “a wistful, imaginative, lonely child with no family and few friends”.

Between losing a parent young, being abandoned by the other, and then losing her favourite grandparents, Barbara understandably felt incredibly lonely and isolated. By her teenage years, she was already writing in her notebooks that she felt ugly, fat, and unlovable. She also wrote about feeling that nobody could ever love her for herself, only for her money.

The Wealth

How rich was Barbara? Very.

When Barbara’s maternal grandmother (the wife of theee Mr. Woolworth, to be clear) died in 1924, she bequeathed $26.1 million (almost $502 million today) to Barbara. Another $2.1 million in stock from her mother’s inheritance was placed in a separate trust. Both trusts were administered by Franklyn Hutton, Barbara’s father. The man may have been a terrible husband and an absent father, but he knew money and how to grow it. By her 21st birthday in 1933, Barbara’s fortune had grown to $42 million (around $811 million today), not including an additional $8 million ($154,400,000 today) from her mother’s estate. Combined, the two fortunes made Barbara one of the wealthiest women in the world, and nearly a billionaire by today’s standards.

Baby’s First Scandal

A monumental occasion for any wealthy socialite is her debutante ball, and Barbara Hutton was no exception. Her ball, held at the NYC Ritz-Carlton, cost a lavish $60,000 ($1.2 million today) and was attended by the likes of the Astor and Rockefeller families, as well as stars of the day such as Rudy Vallée and Maurice Chevalier.

Lavish balls were nothing new to NYC high society. However, what made Barbara’s different was that it took place in December 1930: a year after the stock market crash, and with the Great Depression in full swing. To say the public was angry would be an understatement. The backlash was so severe that Barbara was essentially forced to flee to Europe to escape the relentless media uproar. But no matter, because once in Europe, Barbara continued to make the social rounds there. Her father and stepmother took her to England for a presentation at the Court of St. James’s, which she then followed with a world cruise.

The Husbands

Barbara was married 7 times, the longest marriage lasting just a few years. And while you and I may have dated some absolute losers in our time, it’s nothing compared to the scrubs Barbara was in bed with. Let’s review.

Husband #1: Alexis Mdivani

How Alexis and Barbara came to be married is truly sickening manipulation, and that is why I will always have sympathy for this poor woman.

Alexis was a member of exiled Georgian nobility. He and his siblings continued to call themselves “princes” even after fleeing Tbilisi in 1921 following the Soviet invasion of Georgia. Do you deserve to call yourself the prince of a people you flee from at the first sign of danger? Who can say. But I would say no.

Alexis was already married to Louise Van Alen, a friend of Barbara’s and a member of the Astor family. The relationship between Barbara and Alexis was engineered/manipulated by Alexis’s sister, Isabelle Roussadana Mdivani (nicknamed “Roussie”), who is described as “a scheming social climber” (a criticism also applied to her brother). The family was so well known for this that they had even earned the nickname of “Marrying Mdivanis.” I would love to see who would come out on top if they were pitted against Lauren Sanchez.

The long-standing rumour is that Roussie and Alexis devised a plan to enable Alexis to divorce Louise, “seduce” Barbara, and force her into marriage. As the story goes, while on a vacation in Spain, Roussie perfectly timed it for Louise and other witnesses to “stumble” upon a guest cottage while Alexis “seduced” Barbara. Given that Barbara was a sheltered young girl at the time, a fair guess is that Alexis probably forced himself on her. Either way, the group caught the couple, prompting Barbara to flee to Paris in embarrassment. Roussie then threatened to go to the press with the story unless Barbara agreed to marry her brother.

Given the era's puritanical values, this would have devastated Barbara, so she gave in. Alexis and Barbara were married on June 20, 1933, in a civil ceremony in Paris. Her father provided a $1 million dowry and provided a yearly income of $50,000. The marriage was not a happy one. Alexis blew through the dowry and much of Barbara’s inheritance on a new house, polo ponies, and expensive clothes and jewellery for himself before Barbara finally divorced him in 1935. He got his comeuppance, though: the following August, he was killed in an automobile accident in Spain - the same place he pulled off his scam and assault against Barbara.

Husband #2: Kurt Haugwitz-Hardenberg-Reventlow

24 hours after her divorce to Alexis was finalized, Barbara was married again. This time, Count Kurt Haugwitz-Hardenberg-Reventlow, a German-born man with Danish citizenship.

The marriage was extremely tumultuous. Kurt was cruel to Barbara, dominating her through physical, verbal, and emotional abuse severe enough to land Barbara in the hospital and Kurt in prison. During the marriage, Barbara also began using drugs and developed anorexia, which she would struggle with for the remainder of her life. She was also persuaded (though I bet “aggressively compelled” is more likely) to renounce her American citizenship in favour of Kurt’s Danish citizenship.

Something interesting did come out of this marriage: the official residence of the US Ambassador in London. In 1937, Barbara and Kurt moved into their newly built home, Winfield House, in London’s Regent’s Park. After Barbara divorced Kurt and moved to the US, she gifted the house to the US government, which designated it as the Ambassador’s official residence.

Her marriage to Kurt was the only one in which Barbara had a child. She welcomed her son, Lance, on February 24, 1936, in London by Cesarean section, following a difficult birth. Two years after Lance’s birth, Barbara was awarded sole custody following a nasty court dispute with Kurt.

Not unlike his mother, Lance also struggled with a lonely childhood, largely neglected by both parents and left to be raised by caregivers and boarding schools. In 1944, Kurt regained some custody but sent Lance to live in Canada. As an adult, Lance became deeply involved in motor racing and briefly competed in Formula One. He was also one of the last people to see actor James Dean alive, as the two had coffee together just 30 minutes before Dean’s fatal crash in 1955 while driving his Porsche 550 Spyder.

Lance had quite an interesting and also tragic life, but that’s a post for another day. Back to Barbara.

Intermission: An Affair w/ Howard Hughes

Toward the end of her marriage to Kurt, Barbara had an infamous affair with Howard Hughes, who was then engaged to actress Katharine Hepburn. Barbara documented the affair in writing, including Howard’s frustration with his inability to bring her to orgasm. She wrote: “…he saw I had difficulty reaching orgasm and tried desperately to make me do so the first time…thereafter pleasing himself and saying that I would not have one anyway. If I touched myself, he angrily brushed my hand away. He could not take it when a woman lost herself in pleasure because he felt he must absolutely be in control of a situation.”

Kudos for refusing to fake your orgasms, Ms. Hutton.

Husband #3: Cary Grant

As World War II loomed over Europe, Barbara, still living in London, decided to get the heck out of dodge and fled to Los Angeles.

At this point, it was 1939, and Barb had two divorces to her name and a child. She was a verifiable floozy by the day’s standards, and the press and public were not impressed. However, the war gave Barbara an opportunity to rehabilitate her image, and, to her credit, she was known for her generosity, even outside of the war effort. She gave money to the Free French Forces, sold her personal yacht to the Royal Navy (which is now a restaurant in Stockholm, btw), and used her high-profile status to help sell war bonds.

Barbara’s initiative paid off, and the press began to warm to her. Thinking “new image, new me, new man”, she then set her sights on her third marriage to none other than Hollywood legend, Cary Grant.

There’s a small wrinkle there, as Cary was friends with Howard Hughes, Barbara’s affair partner from Marriage #2. Nevertheless, the two wed.

The marriage was a relatively happy one. The media dubbed the couple “Cash and Cary” (objectively hilarious), even though Cary made his own money as an actor. He also sought nothing from Barbara when they divorced on August 30, 1945. Barbara later said of him: “I loved him the most. He was so sweet, so gentle. It didn’t work out but I loved him.”

And that was not necessarily the end of them. Cary was apparently the only one of Barbara’s exes to stay in touch throughout her life - and he kept in touch with her son, Lance, too. In fact, when Lance died in 1972, it was Cary who helped Barbara plan the funeral.

Husband #4: Igor Troubetzkoy

Following her divorce from Cary, Barbara eventually bought a 15-room house in Tangier, Morocco. Here, she met Prince Igor Troubetzkoy, a descendant of Lithuanian royalty who, despite limited funds, was known for his charm and personality. He was also the driver of the first-ever Ferrari to compete in Grand Prix motor racing, and later won the Targa Florio. When he filed for divorce from Barbara after 4 years of marriage, she attempted suicide. The media, awful as ever, ran the headline: “Poor Little Rich Girl” - the very label she despised.

Husband #5: Porfirio Rubirosa

This was Barbara’s shortest and horniest marriage. The two were married on December 30, 1953, but it lasted just 73 days, and Porfirio allegedly cheated with Zsa Zsa Gabor the entire time.

Let’s review Porfirio’s résumé real quick:

• Dominican diplomat

• Internationally known for his “sexual prowess”

• Allegedly possessed a massive penis (11 inches, according to Quincy Jones), which some had nicknamed “The Peppermill”

• Previously married to French actress Danielle Darrieux, who received $1 million from Doris Duke (Porfirio’s next wife) to give him an uncontested divorce

• Married and divorced Doris Duke, walking away with sports cars, polo ponies, a plantation in the Dominican Republic, a converted B-25 bomber, a 17th-century home in Paris, and $25,000 a year until he remarried in the divorce settlement

• Married Barbara (rumoured arch-rival of Doris Duke) on December 30, 1953, after which the bride retired to bed with a broken ankle, and the bridegroom went out to celebrate (scrub)

• After their 73-day marriage, Barbara gave him $3.5 million and another converted B-25 bomber.

When the wedding was announced, one journalist wrote, “The bride, for her fifth wedding, wore black and carried a scotch-and-soda.” Scathing.

Husband #6: Baron Gottfried von Cramm

Gottfried was a former international tennis star and a friend of Barbara’s for some 20 years. The two had originally met on a tennis court in Cairo. A ceremony at Versailles in 1955 made her the Baroness von Cramm. At first, the marriage seemed like it might finally be a happy one. But old habits die hard, and the two divorced in 1961.

Also, some interesting history about Gottfried: he was arrested, tried, and found guilty of homosexuality by the Nazis in 1938.

Husband #7: Prince Raymond Doan Vinh Na Champassak of Laos

Raymond was Barbara’s seventh and final husband - a Laotian prince and painter, three years younger than his bride. The wedding in 1964 took place at her walled estate near Cuernavaca, Mexico. Barbara wore a green-and-gold sari-style gown, a gold ring on each big toe, and gold anklets, with the soles of her feet painted red. The prince later said of her: “She gave me more than $4 million. She gave me love.” Hot.

The two were married until 1969. Even after, Barbara continued to use his name, and was listed as “Barbara Doan” at the mortuary when she passed away.

The Final Years

After her final divorce, Barbara retreated to California and reportedly spent her final years in increasing isolation. Three years after her last divorce, her son, Lance, was killed in a small plane crash in 1972. Despite the emotional distance between them during his lifetime, his death devastated her.

And how did it end for Barbara? After a lifetime of lavish spending and seven husbands, she died of a heart attack on May 11, 1979, at the age of 66, alone and nearly broke. A longstanding rumour claims that only around $3,500 remained of her once-extraordinary fortune, though some have disputed it. She died at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Los Angeles — so still up, even when she’s down.

A longtime friend said the following about Barbara around the time of her death: “She was extreme in everything. She was extremely thoughtful, extremely tough, extremely sweet and extremely generous.”

As for Barbara, what did she think of her own legacy? When asked to explain her seven marriages, she said simply: “loneliness.” But she refused to wallow in it. “I’m not complaining. I’ve had happiness, and I’ll have it again.”

Not a poor little rich girl, just a woman who wanted what everyone wants. And happened to have the whole world watching while she looked for it.

MAIN SOURCES

• “Barbara Hutton Dies on Coast at 66” by Enid Nemy for The New York Times. Published May 13, 1979.

• “Hutton, Barbara (1912–1979)” from Encyclopedia.com.

• “Poor Little Rich Girl: The Life and Legend of Barbara Hutton” by C. Heymann. Published 1983.

Welcome to The Absurdist!

My secret Substack where I give my opinions on absurd things about public figures, relationships, careers, life, whatever strikes me.

And if you are wondering “What does it mean to be an absurdist?”:

An absurdist is someone who adheres to Absurdism, a philosophical theory stating that the universe is inherently irrational and meaningless. It arises from the conflict between humanity’s desperate search for purpose and the universe’s absolute refusal to provide one.