If a Man Tells You His Exes Thought He Was a Loser: Believe Them
The ex-girlfriends has already done the research. All you have to do is listen.
When you date a man, always dig into his past relationships. Don’t be shy; they want you to. Make them feel like they’re on Oprah.
And it’s important to ask them that question with semi-regularity because, as you two get closer, he will reveal more. In those discussions, he will inevitably give you the full field report of what it’s like to date him. Your ex’s past girlfriends are your greatest allies in dating because that’s who you will inevitably hear from through this man.
She/they have done the studies, they have given him the notes, and now he’s telling you. So, if those notes are not good: leave. This doesn’t need to be a peer-reviewed study. If this is a new relationship for you, then the woman before you has probably known them for longer. What was significant enough to break them up?
When your man inevitably opens up, he always quotes the ex with sarcasm, insinuating that you are supposed to agree with him. Do not. Like, why would his ex-girlfriend lie to him? Most women aren’t vindictive enough to make something up, and they don’t need to. Men are naturally heavily flawed.
If he’s telling you, “And then she said I had intimacy issues” or “She said I yelled at her too much,” like he just gave you declassified information. He just spelled out what’s ahead for you in a year when things start to get comfortable, and he starts letting his walls down; his walls being the pretense that he’s a decent guy.
And this will always eventually come out. Because men cannot handle criticism. So, when they get genuine criticism from an ex, they will stew on it until they meet their next girlfriend, and then share it in the hope that the new girlfriend will validate their bad behavior and tell him that it’s his ex that’s crazy, not him.
Don’t do it. Look him in the eye and ask, “Are you saying she’s lying?” And then watch them spin. They feel like they can’t lie because (DEEP down) they know that they’re already on thin ice. So they try a half-assed PR cover-up in real time, using “careful” wording to avoid accountability. But they can’t think that fast, so you can immediately tell what they’re doing.
I’m not telling you what to do with the information when you get it. But know that it’s going to be accurate or, at worst, pretty close to it. Sometimes relationships end on no-fault grounds: you didn’t click, someone moved away for a job, or you grew apart. But if you hear that the relationship ended on a personality flaw: tread lightly. Or run away.