Archive - The Absurdist

The 5 Worst Friends To Have

I was friends with all of them. These are their stories (dun dun).

Aug 1 • The Absurdist

July 2026

The Tragedy of When the Breakup is Something Neither of You Wanted

Although, at the end of the day, you only want a man who is going to fight for you.

Jul 24 • The Absurdist

Make No Mistake: Men Will Marry Women They Hate

A front-row seat to my father's second marriage, and the woman who gave up everything for a man who never planned to stay.

Jul 22 • The Absurdist

The Gates Girls & The Ceiling of Inherited Advantages

Phoebe's cookie-stuffing scandal and Jennifer's wasted Olympic horse tell the same story about what money can't manufacture.

Jul 18 • The Absurdist

I'm Not Hiding, I'm Just Anxious (Same Thing)

Weighing the benefits of showing up online against a fear I can't actually justify anymore.

Jul 17 • The Absurdist

If a Man Tells You His Exes Thought He Was a Loser: Believe Them

The ex-girlfriends has already done the research. All you have to do is listen.

Jul 15 • The Absurdist

I Hate an "It's-a-Slippery-Slope" MFer

Why 'slippery slope' is the laziest argument against regulation and what we actually risk by doing nothing."

Jul 10 • The Absurdist

Breakup Diaries Pt. 4: Closure

On closure talks, hard truths, and realizing that watching someone repeat their patterns is its own kind of goodbye.

Jul 10 • The Absurdist

Breakup Diaries Pt. 3: Moving On & Trying to Stay Friends

On staying friends with your ex, watching him date someone he doesn't like, and knowing when to finally let go.

Jul 10 • The Absurdist

Breakup Diaries Pt. 2: Delayed Response & Reaction

Eight months of denial, two rebound relationships, and the moment the grief finally caught up with me.

Jul 10 • The Absurdist

Breakup Diaries Pt. 1: The Beginning & End

What happens when a great relationship isn't enough — and the person you love isn't brave enough to fight for it?

Jul 10 • The Absurdist

Obviously Margaret Qualley and Jack Antonoff Weren't Going to Work Out and Here's Why

Who could have seen this divorce coming? Well, anyone reasonable, really.

Jul 8 • The Absurdist

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